LORD, let my heart be willing to change is not the prayer I’m praying today. I’m praying that I won’t try to change me today because I’m done searching in that barrel for some hope of completion. Let me not believe that change ever starts with just my ideas and a feeling of newness in me. All through history and through the Word we find that truly change be more than a word used to rally my emotions. I will usher in change as I become more aligned to the TRUTH. In order to move anywhere close to forward, I must relinquish what’s holding me back…which most frequently are those ball and chains I feel I deserve…my rights.
Jesus, I pray that I will see you as the plumb-line for me rather than the rope that I can hold on to because my grip is distracted at worse and at most strengthened only by my puffed-up resolve. Let me trust TRUTH. Let me want TRUTH even if it’s heat will evaporate the contaminated intake of my “so-called-rights” of which I am convinced must be kept at all costs. Today, as if all my thoughts were written down and then “TRUTH:” was written afterwards who You are engraved by Your power on the stone of my self-focused heart. The life-giving response to my self-defined “what sounds right to me response to what is happening (either caused by others or self-imposed)” is an antibacterial ointment to strengthen the antibodies of praise that I may be freed from the mercer-type infection leading to my own destruction yet seemingly unseen by my own estimation of the purity of my heart. Heal my fears and my self-pride leading to my own destruction! You mean for me to know peace and freedom….is that what, at this moment, I’m living in (regardless of what others are doing concerning me or what my “happenings” are)? Let me truly be willing to grasp for the freedom, therefore, that you died so that I could live enveloped in and spured forward by. Father, I’m naked before you….I’m restrained by nothing towards my own destruction…Held from it only by your warrior love and gale-force grace. TRUTH will set me free….
My destruction is not threatened by large sins for those I can choose to see and run from…it’s those small relinquishments of peace, of joy, of trust, of acting distracted from what I know to do – refusing to follow you in any step you lead me in that will lead to not only to the realization of my depravity…but to my very own unravelling. Undetected, I will soon find myself no more able to feel the love He longs for me to know than I am to be tied into a bow of beauty to display His glory. My demise or rise hinges on my willingness to align to His Truth. I’m learning that no illusive “right” is worth holding onto. Rights persuade me to push away from others till I get what I deserve from them. Rights coerce me into believing that my own accomplishments and even moving forward…that who I am and am being is controlled and dictated by what others do or don’t do instead of seeing myself accountable alone before God. The sells me the placebo of rights and I buy the worthless lies convinced that they will be the motivation to fulfill the dreams that I haven’t yet pursued and therefore never yet attained. How free I would be if I trusted that rights were only figments of the world’s imagination – nothing worth my wasting my life to fight for. I must, instead fight for FREEDOM. Only TRUTH will really stand once this hurricane war ends. ABC’s last show is not what will give me my foundation, but rather leaves me malnutritioned in it’s lessons. Everything we hear will be the fad and last about as long as ABC’s last show. Reality is only glanced at and missed among the glittering vendors along life’s road. It’s as if I’m looking up and watching an eagle soar above me while everyone else is preoccupied with the caos of today just like they were yesterday…the awe of that sight only pales in the beauty comparison of what me realizing this truth will do to effect me. Only one right remains when I see Truth….I have a right to be separated in Hell from the One who is reaching out that I may see of Him what won’t kill me because He protects me from His rightful judgement and devastating holiness. Risen SON…As if I’m watching the sun rise for the first time….Please grip me at the seat of my affections and attention.
Posted in: Journal